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Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Working into a 'full' marriage

A gentleman I worked with around 20, 25 years ago, danced across my mind this evening.  I'll call him "Cha" (altho I'm almost positive the principles are now deceased).  Now, "Cha" had an interesting 2d marriage when we met, and I think that's why he's on my mind - a case of "hey I COULD do THAT!" ...

... but in order to tell the story of the 2d, we have to start w/ the 1st:

Cha and his (1st) wife married in there 20s, had children, bought a suburban house in a development, and that was where she stayed home w/ the kiddies and from where he went out to a job.  Next door to them lived an identical-lifestyle couple - I'm sure, being the late 50s, 60s, that there were alot of couples like that all around them, but the ones next door, they really hit it off with ... often the two couples would go out places; they would be over each other's homes all the time; the kids were close, too, of course ...

Then the guy next door very suddenly and unexpectedly 'dropped dead' - heart attack, I think ...

Cha and Mrs. Cha were of course right there for the sudden widow, whom we'll call Lou ... and then ... two years later, maybe a little more, Mrs. Cha got very sick - cancer, I think.  She didn't make it six months.  Lou 'returned the favor' and helped a devastated Cha, who was going through some major company upheavals at his job at the same time, no less, and who would sit and cry many a night about how they didn't even get to live out there retirement dream, but then again, the way the  company was going, sheesh!

And then, it happened ... Cha and Lou fell in love!  Ahhhh!  How sweet!  Everyone was all for it, especially their kids ...

But there was, ah, one sticking point between Cha and Lou:  they both had these suburban homes fully furnished that they had lived in for the past twenty-odd years - raised there children in and of course even with kids growing up and out, you still have all there stuff, ha, ha!  In addition, having now lived a long time myself in homes and even in a short time, I really understand how you have all this stuff, all this work you've put into a place as well, and you know how everything works and doesn't and how to work around it.

So ... which house to live in as a now-married couple?!

Well, it was Lou who came up with the idea:  until Cha was ready to retire - which was about another five, six  years down the road - they would each live in there own homes, slowly winnowing them down (with each other's help, naturally), until such time as when Cha did retire, and then they would sell both and buy there retirement home together ... but where would they live, you ask?!

Why, at home, of course!  There own homes.  And they would 'visit their neighbor', as they had always done - but in a more intimate way than they had done so previously, obviously ;) 

In other words, they were working themselves into a full marriage ... and especially for those of us who have done this before, I think Cha and Lou were on to something!

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