Years back, when my kid and other people's kids were small, I had a dear friend who was going through a divorce ... whose son, then about two, three, had the same first name as his father ... so she decided to start calling her kid by a different name
And I don't mean "Sweetheart" or "Buddy" ... and I don't mean "Shithead" (she was actually a dammed decent mother) ... but by a completely different first name!
Both my mother and I had a conversation with her in which we basically said - this is going to make the kid NUTS! You can't do this! I'm sure other people said so, too ...
Anyway one of the 'advantages' of being online is that you can now get 'the rest of the story' ... and, quite unlike that famous radio personality who always told intriguing and wonderful stories!, in real life, it isn't always so pretty! sometimes I find out things I wish I hadn't known - wish I had stayed in my hazy field of memories and hoped for happy ever after ...
Well I looked up this kid - who btw now uses his real first name ... and, ah -well --
He's kind of walked over into the dark side, starting with D & D and going on from there - I'm talking the worlds best known by Wes Craven and so on from there ...
Mebbe if he only heard one name his whole life ... who knows?!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
"big deal". I could just tell it was going to change my life,
Today, I brought CoCo to a new-to-her, groomer ...
No small task, this one: CoCo is 15 years old, still has very strong Rottie chest muscles so that she can pull me off my feet when I walk her BUT weak back legs, and is pretty much terrified of anything and everything w/o her beloved sister of the heart, Myndie, but Mommy at least is a decent, 2d place-r ...
I noticed this over Christmas, and it still holds true: while I have a perfectly good doggy ramp and she could just walk easily right into the back seat like her sister did, she REFUSES - instead, she climbs up to the back floor with her front two paws and "hangs" - and waits for me to pick up the back end! Getting out is more difficult, and we actually had a crash that scared the bejesus out of me - but she sat there and laughed, as in "I meant that to happen, yeahhhh!"
I figured I would sit and wait at the grooming parlor ... so she was bathed, given a bandana like her big sis used to love, and had her nails clipped. The woman said she was so well-behaved! that she just sat there and let it be. Methinks there is a lesson for me in there ....
No small task, this one: CoCo is 15 years old, still has very strong Rottie chest muscles so that she can pull me off my feet when I walk her BUT weak back legs, and is pretty much terrified of anything and everything w/o her beloved sister of the heart, Myndie, but Mommy at least is a decent, 2d place-r ...
I noticed this over Christmas, and it still holds true: while I have a perfectly good doggy ramp and she could just walk easily right into the back seat like her sister did, she REFUSES - instead, she climbs up to the back floor with her front two paws and "hangs" - and waits for me to pick up the back end! Getting out is more difficult, and we actually had a crash that scared the bejesus out of me - but she sat there and laughed, as in "I meant that to happen, yeahhhh!"
I figured I would sit and wait at the grooming parlor ... so she was bathed, given a bandana like her big sis used to love, and had her nails clipped. The woman said she was so well-behaved! that she just sat there and let it be. Methinks there is a lesson for me in there ....
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Last Sunday in July
Weather: Sunny, strong UV - sunny! -in other words, it's seasonal. Grateful for a/c!
Reading: Some email; "Delivered from Evil" ; puzzle books.
Making: No coffee -staled out ;- Need to put shopping on the list!
Writing: not yet but I'll get there soon enough! alot of story ideas w/ preliminary sketches and beginnings in my current notebook
Drinking: See making note above ;-
Enjoying: A/C; CoCo tapping in her sleep ;)
Looking forward to: Thinking about an autumnal trip up to Jersey, post Labor Day
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Message from Ron Franscell
Started reading his book, "Delivered From Evil: True Stories of Ordinary People who Faced Monstrous Mass Killers, and Survived", and already a paragraph in there feels like a personal message to me:
"Another truth is that forgiveness is more difficult than we can imagine. Most of these survivors understand that without forgiveness, they rot from the inside out - and the people they can't forgive don't care. These survivors don't excuse the behavior of monsters nor deny their own pain, but rather have revoked permission for their monsters or their feelings to darken the rest of their lives. They don't make nice with their would-be killers, but instead they move beyond them. It is more about unburdening than absolution."
"Another truth is that forgiveness is more difficult than we can imagine. Most of these survivors understand that without forgiveness, they rot from the inside out - and the people they can't forgive don't care. These survivors don't excuse the behavior of monsters nor deny their own pain, but rather have revoked permission for their monsters or their feelings to darken the rest of their lives. They don't make nice with their would-be killers, but instead they move beyond them. It is more about unburdening than absolution."
Truths told while finding a bargain...
So I'm in Dollar General this afternoon, and the line is unbelieveable, into the aisles! (which I later found out from the cashier that - because there were power failures and loss of revenue, DG is making up for it by cutting employees hours - dumb move, DG!!!) ... so the woman and her son behind me in line, we start to talk ...
Oh, we were talking about the line (of course!) but more than that - back to school, when that is, all she has to do for multiple kids to get them ready ... it was pleasant :)
So after I paid for my purchase (finally!) I turned to thank her for such a nice conversation ... and she smiled, pointed to my bag, and said, "Enjoy your puzzles! Oh, I wish I had time to do them!"
I smiled. And I told the truth: "Lady, your hectic life with multiple kids in school ... I'd trade you in a heartbeat."
Oh, we were talking about the line (of course!) but more than that - back to school, when that is, all she has to do for multiple kids to get them ready ... it was pleasant :)
So after I paid for my purchase (finally!) I turned to thank her for such a nice conversation ... and she smiled, pointed to my bag, and said, "Enjoy your puzzles! Oh, I wish I had time to do them!"
I smiled. And I told the truth: "Lady, your hectic life with multiple kids in school ... I'd trade you in a heartbeat."
Friday, July 27, 2012
Laundry Tales
Ahhh, I didn't time it right: I've got twenty minutes left on the dryer @ the laundromat ... alright ... guess I'll have a seat ...
Just about as my laundry is almost done, the door opens and this parade of people come in - now, I'm not quite sure how to describe them:
Homeless looking? They didn't smell.
Poor unfortunates? Yeah, that would fit ... each one looked like he or she had been through trauma untold, and they had interesting scars: missing teeth ; one guy had a twisted, shortened leg ; one woman had the side of her mouth pushed in long time ago and - well - it just - grew over - like that ...
They weren't rowdy. They all had suitcases with dirty clothes, and correct change, and were very good customers like that --
-- I just couldn't imagine what had happened - were they all in a firefight together? survived a bad foster home experience?
Well, my clothes were done ... loaded them up, walked out to my truck, and --
Ahhh ... parked next to my truck is another truck, and according to the advert on the side --
It belongs to a carnival!!!
Just about as my laundry is almost done, the door opens and this parade of people come in - now, I'm not quite sure how to describe them:
Homeless looking? They didn't smell.
Poor unfortunates? Yeah, that would fit ... each one looked like he or she had been through trauma untold, and they had interesting scars: missing teeth ; one guy had a twisted, shortened leg ; one woman had the side of her mouth pushed in long time ago and - well - it just - grew over - like that ...
They weren't rowdy. They all had suitcases with dirty clothes, and correct change, and were very good customers like that --
-- I just couldn't imagine what had happened - were they all in a firefight together? survived a bad foster home experience?
Well, my clothes were done ... loaded them up, walked out to my truck, and --
Ahhh ... parked next to my truck is another truck, and according to the advert on the side --
It belongs to a carnival!!!
Relatives on opposite sides of Kimmell murder case share odd bond
Relatives on opposite sides of Kimmell murder case share odd bond
Lisa was the ultimate victim," Sheila Kimmell said. "We're considered the secondary victims. But there isn't (a definition) for Judy and her family - the other people who were affected by Dale's crime. I call them victims in the third degree."
Lisa was the ultimate victim," Sheila Kimmell said. "We're considered the secondary victims. But there isn't (a definition) for Judy and her family - the other people who were affected by Dale's crime. I call them victims in the third degree."
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Parking lots turned into safe havens for homeless
Parking lots turned into safe havens for homeless
I say, make this a federal law and lets have every city do this - times are rough out there, dammit!
I say, make this a federal law and lets have every city do this - times are rough out there, dammit!
The lesson of Denver - and food
Earlier today I received an email from a dear online friend in which she wrote to tell me the following:
" I just lost a friend to choking on a piece of meat, maybe you could send out a warning on your blog about this type of death, the mayor of one of our cities almost died from steak. I don't know what my friend was eating that killed her."
I've been thinking about this, since I read it ... yes, while I've been doing other things ... one of which was checking on the latest news from the Denver theater massacre ... and as I was doing so, it dawned on me - it really dawned on me --
One of the victims in Denver was a young woman who had barely escaped a mall shooting not too long before she was killed in a theater ... after her brush with death, she wrote a blog post that I'm sure has gone viral, about how you have to really, REALLY value and treasure each and every moment, because - you just never know ....
We may not go in such a tragic, world-splashed way as Jennifer Ghawi - in fact, we may be sitting at our dinner table, en famille or solo, and - it happens. It just happens. One moment you're alive - messy, loved, happy, miserable, sad, living the dream, feeling betrayed and victimized - and the next ---
It's an excellent reminder for this writer here! Because however I'm doing (and it has not been well, my readers, altho there are certainly good and decent and loving and connecting moments in each and every day, for which I am grateful to my soul!) -- I am alive. Here. Now. And while I feel stuck - because I can't go back to the way I was, I can't (pun intended!) put the genie back in the bottle and pretend stuff didn't happen --
I'm alive.
And so, while I am that, let me remember it.
And let me remember, that is really a very temporary condition.
" I just lost a friend to choking on a piece of meat, maybe you could send out a warning on your blog about this type of death, the mayor of one of our cities almost died from steak. I don't know what my friend was eating that killed her."
I've been thinking about this, since I read it ... yes, while I've been doing other things ... one of which was checking on the latest news from the Denver theater massacre ... and as I was doing so, it dawned on me - it really dawned on me --
One of the victims in Denver was a young woman who had barely escaped a mall shooting not too long before she was killed in a theater ... after her brush with death, she wrote a blog post that I'm sure has gone viral, about how you have to really, REALLY value and treasure each and every moment, because - you just never know ....
We may not go in such a tragic, world-splashed way as Jennifer Ghawi - in fact, we may be sitting at our dinner table, en famille or solo, and - it happens. It just happens. One moment you're alive - messy, loved, happy, miserable, sad, living the dream, feeling betrayed and victimized - and the next ---
It's an excellent reminder for this writer here! Because however I'm doing (and it has not been well, my readers, altho there are certainly good and decent and loving and connecting moments in each and every day, for which I am grateful to my soul!) -- I am alive. Here. Now. And while I feel stuck - because I can't go back to the way I was, I can't (pun intended!) put the genie back in the bottle and pretend stuff didn't happen --
I'm alive.
And so, while I am that, let me remember it.
And let me remember, that is really a very temporary condition.
One of the heroes
Funeral set for local victim of Colo. shooting
This is one of the guys who took the bullet for his girlfriend - PLEASE NOTE, THEY HAD ONLY BEEN DATING A MONTH! So guys don't think you have to be realclosetothealtar BEFORE you decide to be a good guy!!!
This is one of the guys who took the bullet for his girlfriend - PLEASE NOTE, THEY HAD ONLY BEEN DATING A MONTH! So guys don't think you have to be realclosetothealtar BEFORE you decide to be a good guy!!!
High Heels & Flip-Flops: Why High Heels & Flip-Flops?
High Heels & Flip-Flops: Why High Heels & Flip-Flops?: I wait for it every year without fail, usually right around the beginning of October – the snarky Washington Post Express column, someone'...
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
The Headless Giraffe
This afternoon, I went to get something out of my back seat and - arrgh! One of my giraffes tumbled from its "unpacked from the storage center but not quite yet in the house" crashed to the pavement ...
... being ceramic, s/he lost her head, and has a jagged hole in her neck ;(
As I stood there looking at her, I thought to myself how s/he's so symbolic of my own life - the places where I feel like I was once whole, regal, and beautiful, but I'm now headless and have jagged holes :
With family - immediate, close, in your life, loving, daily, family.
Ditto with f2f friends.
Also with an intimate partner.
With knowing where I'm actually going to live in another year, and the years after that.
... being ceramic, s/he lost her head, and has a jagged hole in her neck ;(
As I stood there looking at her, I thought to myself how s/he's so symbolic of my own life - the places where I feel like I was once whole, regal, and beautiful, but I'm now headless and have jagged holes :
With family - immediate, close, in your life, loving, daily, family.
Ditto with f2f friends.
Also with an intimate partner.
With knowing where I'm actually going to live in another year, and the years after that.
Working into a 'full' marriage
A gentleman I worked with around 20, 25 years ago, danced across my mind this evening. I'll call him "Cha" (altho I'm almost positive the principles are now deceased). Now, "Cha" had an interesting 2d marriage when we met, and I think that's why he's on my mind - a case of "hey I COULD do THAT!" ...
... but in order to tell the story of the 2d, we have to start w/ the 1st:
Cha and his (1st) wife married in there 20s, had children, bought a suburban house in a development, and that was where she stayed home w/ the kiddies and from where he went out to a job. Next door to them lived an identical-lifestyle couple - I'm sure, being the late 50s, 60s, that there were alot of couples like that all around them, but the ones next door, they really hit it off with ... often the two couples would go out places; they would be over each other's homes all the time; the kids were close, too, of course ...
Then the guy next door very suddenly and unexpectedly 'dropped dead' - heart attack, I think ...
Cha and Mrs. Cha were of course right there for the sudden widow, whom we'll call Lou ... and then ... two years later, maybe a little more, Mrs. Cha got very sick - cancer, I think. She didn't make it six months. Lou 'returned the favor' and helped a devastated Cha, who was going through some major company upheavals at his job at the same time, no less, and who would sit and cry many a night about how they didn't even get to live out there retirement dream, but then again, the way the company was going, sheesh!
And then, it happened ... Cha and Lou fell in love! Ahhhh! How sweet! Everyone was all for it, especially their kids ...
But there was, ah, one sticking point between Cha and Lou: they both had these suburban homes fully furnished that they had lived in for the past twenty-odd years - raised there children in and of course even with kids growing up and out, you still have all there stuff, ha, ha! In addition, having now lived a long time myself in homes and even in a short time, I really understand how you have all this stuff, all this work you've put into a place as well, and you know how everything works and doesn't and how to work around it.
So ... which house to live in as a now-married couple?!
Well, it was Lou who came up with the idea: until Cha was ready to retire - which was about another five, six years down the road - they would each live in there own homes, slowly winnowing them down (with each other's help, naturally), until such time as when Cha did retire, and then they would sell both and buy there retirement home together ... but where would they live, you ask?!
Why, at home, of course! There own homes. And they would 'visit their neighbor', as they had always done - but in a more intimate way than they had done so previously, obviously ;)
In other words, they were working themselves into a full marriage ... and especially for those of us who have done this before, I think Cha and Lou were on to something!
... but in order to tell the story of the 2d, we have to start w/ the 1st:
Cha and his (1st) wife married in there 20s, had children, bought a suburban house in a development, and that was where she stayed home w/ the kiddies and from where he went out to a job. Next door to them lived an identical-lifestyle couple - I'm sure, being the late 50s, 60s, that there were alot of couples like that all around them, but the ones next door, they really hit it off with ... often the two couples would go out places; they would be over each other's homes all the time; the kids were close, too, of course ...
Then the guy next door very suddenly and unexpectedly 'dropped dead' - heart attack, I think ...
Cha and Mrs. Cha were of course right there for the sudden widow, whom we'll call Lou ... and then ... two years later, maybe a little more, Mrs. Cha got very sick - cancer, I think. She didn't make it six months. Lou 'returned the favor' and helped a devastated Cha, who was going through some major company upheavals at his job at the same time, no less, and who would sit and cry many a night about how they didn't even get to live out there retirement dream, but then again, the way the company was going, sheesh!
And then, it happened ... Cha and Lou fell in love! Ahhhh! How sweet! Everyone was all for it, especially their kids ...
But there was, ah, one sticking point between Cha and Lou: they both had these suburban homes fully furnished that they had lived in for the past twenty-odd years - raised there children in and of course even with kids growing up and out, you still have all there stuff, ha, ha! In addition, having now lived a long time myself in homes and even in a short time, I really understand how you have all this stuff, all this work you've put into a place as well, and you know how everything works and doesn't and how to work around it.
So ... which house to live in as a now-married couple?!
Well, it was Lou who came up with the idea: until Cha was ready to retire - which was about another five, six years down the road - they would each live in there own homes, slowly winnowing them down (with each other's help, naturally), until such time as when Cha did retire, and then they would sell both and buy there retirement home together ... but where would they live, you ask?!
Why, at home, of course! There own homes. And they would 'visit their neighbor', as they had always done - but in a more intimate way than they had done so previously, obviously ;)
In other words, they were working themselves into a full marriage ... and especially for those of us who have done this before, I think Cha and Lou were on to something!
Monday, July 23, 2012
No Little Heroes
I was just checking the news re - Denver massacre, and I saw that Greg Zanis, the carpenter who built the Columbine crosses, is back in Colorado, with crosses for the victims here + and I read his story, of how he started to do this:
He didn't have the father-in-law that is the butt of jokes, the subject of shows like Monster-In-Laws - no, he and his father-in-law were best buddies <3 In fact, Greg worked for him : Ralph K Stadler had properties, he was a real estate guy, ironically in another Aurora (and one I'm somewhat familiar with), in Illinois ...
So it wasn't 'just' he was married to this guy's daughter, and had made him a grandfather ...
So Greg went over to one of the properties and he found out that his best buddy in the whole entire world, had been murdered by tenants he was trying to evict ... devastated, Greg responded in the way he knows: he built a white cross to mark the spot where he had found Ralph's body, because Greg, after all, is a carpenter, who knows what to do with a piece of wood ...
Now, if the story had ended there, Greg in my eyes, would already would be a good guy, for honoring his best friend with the very talents his best friend had taught him ... but then, Greg went on to become a hero:
From a news story, the paragraph that just brought my hands over my face and fresh tears: " He did it for others, a 6-year-old who was killed in a drive-by shooting, children killed by drunk drivers. Every time someone was murdered in Aurora, he put up a cross. He began putting them up in other states, too. Soon, there were 200 crosses, in six states."
He didn't have the father-in-law that is the butt of jokes, the subject of shows like Monster-In-Laws - no, he and his father-in-law were best buddies <3 In fact, Greg worked for him : Ralph K Stadler had properties, he was a real estate guy, ironically in another Aurora (and one I'm somewhat familiar with), in Illinois ...
So it wasn't 'just' he was married to this guy's daughter, and had made him a grandfather ...
So Greg went over to one of the properties and he found out that his best buddy in the whole entire world, had been murdered by tenants he was trying to evict ... devastated, Greg responded in the way he knows: he built a white cross to mark the spot where he had found Ralph's body, because Greg, after all, is a carpenter, who knows what to do with a piece of wood ...
Now, if the story had ended there, Greg in my eyes, would already would be a good guy, for honoring his best friend with the very talents his best friend had taught him ... but then, Greg went on to become a hero:
From a news story, the paragraph that just brought my hands over my face and fresh tears: " He did it for others, a 6-year-old who was killed in a drive-by shooting, children killed by drunk drivers. Every time someone was murdered in Aurora, he put up a cross. He began putting them up in other states, too. Soon, there were 200 crosses, in six states."
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Please don't!///I'm not that old that --
--- I can actually see this happening - I can actually imagine this happening:
This would be me: "Honey, YOU like that new Batman - go with your guy friends and I'll be here when you get home, 'k?"
And then he - this potential boyfriend person - would sweeten the pot: let's bring your grandsons -my treat! we'll stop and get the pizza you like before, and the ice cream you also like, afterwards - hows that, honey!
A dairy doubleheader - now how could I resist ;)
And so, that would potentially place me at a midnight showing of "The Dark Knight" - after all,
I'm not so old that I can't picture something like that happening to me still ...
HOWEVER
Let me say THIS
If anyone ever said to me (as a survivor of such a shooting) or one of my loved ones post-shooting (in which case I'd haunt your dammed ass), the following, there may just be some slappage - yes, someone actually said THIS :
Then I tell myself that every single one of these people had a pre-life contract with the shooter, and with their families...knowing this particular day could be one of their selected exit days from the human body.
People, really now - restraint of tongue and pen - think before engaging the lips!
This would be me: "Honey, YOU like that new Batman - go with your guy friends and I'll be here when you get home, 'k?"
And then he - this potential boyfriend person - would sweeten the pot: let's bring your grandsons -my treat! we'll stop and get the pizza you like before, and the ice cream you also like, afterwards - hows that, honey!
A dairy doubleheader - now how could I resist ;)
And so, that would potentially place me at a midnight showing of "The Dark Knight" - after all,
I'm not so old that I can't picture something like that happening to me still ...
HOWEVER
Let me say THIS
If anyone ever said to me (as a survivor of such a shooting) or one of my loved ones post-shooting (in which case I'd haunt your dammed ass), the following, there may just be some slappage - yes, someone actually said THIS :
Then I tell myself that every single one of these people had a pre-life contract with the shooter, and with their families...knowing this particular day could be one of their selected exit days from the human body.
People, really now - restraint of tongue and pen - think before engaging the lips!
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Why I believe in Ol' Sparky ...
WriteAPrisoner.com - Cleophus Prince Jr's Pen-Pal Profile
This man was The Claremont Killer, which is why he sits on death row, and has, since the 1990s ... yet, even tho six women are dead, six families and many loved ones traumatized, he not only is still alive - he's looking for friends.
This man was The Claremont Killer, which is why he sits on death row, and has, since the 1990s ... yet, even tho six women are dead, six families and many loved ones traumatized, he not only is still alive - he's looking for friends.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
From Lindeman's Antiques Ad (1950)
Now that the pattern of our life, from day to day and year to year,
Upon the Cynic's calculated schemes depends,
Let us resolve to greet each day with cheer,
And pray each night for strength which faith attends.
Home, alone, can insulate us from a world aghast.
Home, alone, is where we may preserve the Peace and Plenty of the past.
Upon the Cynic's calculated schemes depends,
Let us resolve to greet each day with cheer,
And pray each night for strength which faith attends.
Home, alone, can insulate us from a world aghast.
Home, alone, is where we may preserve the Peace and Plenty of the past.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
it's about time ;)
"The Egyptians produced the earliest calender on record, in 4241 B.C. It set up 12 months of 30 days each & added 5 days at the end of the year for a total of 365 days. Ancient Babylonian calenders had 13 months; so did some Greek calenders - each Greek city could set up its own. The Romans left calender keeping to a high priest, who seems to have neglected his chore; by Julius Caesar's time summer months were coming in spring! Caesar corrected this in 46 B.C. in the Julian calender with a 365 day year plus one day added every 4th or leap year. Even with all that , tho, the calender was longer than the year of the seasons. In 1582, Pope Gregory XIII remedied this - and gave us the calender we now use - by dropping ten days into limbo, making October 15, 1582, the day after October 4, and directing that the leap years should be omitted on century years not divisible by 400. The calender year still exceeds the solar year by 26 seconds."
January and October of the same year, always begin w/ the same day. So do April and July, September and December, as well as Feb, March, and November.
(Spinning Wheel magazine, Jan-Feb 1964)
January and October of the same year, always begin w/ the same day. So do April and July, September and December, as well as Feb, March, and November.
(Spinning Wheel magazine, Jan-Feb 1964)
The Elevator Shaft of Life
When I picked up today's newspaper, I was startled by the lead story: a woman at one of the major companies here - thinking that the elevator was in place when the outer doors opened -stepped in and - there was no elevator - she went down the shaft!!!
God bless her!!!!
What immediately came to my mind - as I stood there in horror reading this story - was how it is also metaphoric: how often I have thought a person, a situation, was totally and completely there for me, so -why look?! I had no idea they had any variance or duplicity!
I stepped in, and, I plunged.
Whether its as a figure of speech or real life, God be with all of us who take that step, only to find there is no there, there!
God bless her!!!!
What immediately came to my mind - as I stood there in horror reading this story - was how it is also metaphoric: how often I have thought a person, a situation, was totally and completely there for me, so -why look?! I had no idea they had any variance or duplicity!
I stepped in, and, I plunged.
Whether its as a figure of speech or real life, God be with all of us who take that step, only to find there is no there, there!
2 Girls Attacked by Rabid Beaver in Va lake
2 Girls Attacked by Rabid Beaver in Va lake
Those poor girls! I imagine it like a horror movie - they're just swimming along and - an attack beaver?!
Those poor girls! I imagine it like a horror movie - they're just swimming along and - an attack beaver?!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
What happens when the poison antidote becomes the poison?!
I've been online since 1996 ... and one of the things I discovered almost as soon as I became 'that computer person' was that there is a very modern solution for those of us in recovery who have physical, emotional///mental, even lifestyle (three kids under 10?!), reasons why f2f meetings don't always work out - online recovery! Yes!
Over the years I've participated in online, real time meetings (when I had a different server), as well as email groups - one that folded, one that I outgrew, one in which I was not told the full details of a service position and so I almost got snowed-under ... but mostly very, very good places to be for recovery!
There was one that was absolutely pivotal not only to my recovery, but to my entire life ... from this place, I adopted my beloved CoCo, for one thing ... and I made some really deep friendships, that lasted for years and years and included phone conversations, snail mail, even in-person visits! It was the type of thing that I would parade when I was in a f2f meeting, as proof that online recovery is real and viable and very enriching!
And then it didn't.
It started w/ my moving to a town unknown to me because one of my best friends in the whole world was from that group, and all the insanity and heartache that stemmed from that moment. It took me out of the group, and it affected very deeply other relationships I had with people in that group. A big part of what happened (and this is relevant to the story, so stick w/ me, please) is that when one of my best friends in the world turned on me, she took advantage of the fact that I wasn't computer-connected and told other people in the group "well Jeannee said this about you" lies that people actually went ahead and believed (most) instead of even bothering to check in with me (almost all) --
It was literally losing my heart and soul again, which somehow seems to be a life theme for me in this new century.
But here's the thing: no matter what happened to me in that group - no matter how painful it was, and how many tears I shed - I wasn't giving up on online recovery - no way! I had several core groups that had also been with me pretty much since I logged on, so, I just leaned on them a little bit harder ...
So that was back in 2008 ... now let's fast forward to my move here, at the very tail end of 2011 ... we're talking another big out-of-state move, and so it takes a while to get yourself situated again ... and ... I get back online and one of the top places I can't wait to get to are my online recovery groups again! Yes!
Imagine my horror when in one of these longtime recovery groups for me, guess who has joined? guess who has become active? guess who shares all the time?
Yeahhh, she knew what this group meant to me and my recovery.
Yeahhh, there are plenty of other recovery groups out there she could have gone instead.
Yeahhh, I've noticed a sudden chilled effect with people in this group I previously considered myself close to.
Yeahhh, I've found myself not sharing because I don't feel like its a safe place to share.
I haven't unsubbed, but I'm going to. I just kept hoping it would go back to being a good place for my recovery, and it's not going to do that - even if she left tomorrow, the changes in there have happened already. I don't know why she wants to hurt me and destroy my life, but I'm not going to stand around and try to figure it out while she does so and continues to do so - I'm just going to remove myself from a place of further emotional harm.
It sucks.
Over the years I've participated in online, real time meetings (when I had a different server), as well as email groups - one that folded, one that I outgrew, one in which I was not told the full details of a service position and so I almost got snowed-under ... but mostly very, very good places to be for recovery!
There was one that was absolutely pivotal not only to my recovery, but to my entire life ... from this place, I adopted my beloved CoCo, for one thing ... and I made some really deep friendships, that lasted for years and years and included phone conversations, snail mail, even in-person visits! It was the type of thing that I would parade when I was in a f2f meeting, as proof that online recovery is real and viable and very enriching!
And then it didn't.
It started w/ my moving to a town unknown to me because one of my best friends in the whole world was from that group, and all the insanity and heartache that stemmed from that moment. It took me out of the group, and it affected very deeply other relationships I had with people in that group. A big part of what happened (and this is relevant to the story, so stick w/ me, please) is that when one of my best friends in the world turned on me, she took advantage of the fact that I wasn't computer-connected and told other people in the group "well Jeannee said this about you" lies that people actually went ahead and believed (most) instead of even bothering to check in with me (almost all) --
It was literally losing my heart and soul again, which somehow seems to be a life theme for me in this new century.
But here's the thing: no matter what happened to me in that group - no matter how painful it was, and how many tears I shed - I wasn't giving up on online recovery - no way! I had several core groups that had also been with me pretty much since I logged on, so, I just leaned on them a little bit harder ...
So that was back in 2008 ... now let's fast forward to my move here, at the very tail end of 2011 ... we're talking another big out-of-state move, and so it takes a while to get yourself situated again ... and ... I get back online and one of the top places I can't wait to get to are my online recovery groups again! Yes!
Imagine my horror when in one of these longtime recovery groups for me, guess who has joined? guess who has become active? guess who shares all the time?
Yeahhh, she knew what this group meant to me and my recovery.
Yeahhh, there are plenty of other recovery groups out there she could have gone instead.
Yeahhh, I've noticed a sudden chilled effect with people in this group I previously considered myself close to.
Yeahhh, I've found myself not sharing because I don't feel like its a safe place to share.
I haven't unsubbed, but I'm going to. I just kept hoping it would go back to being a good place for my recovery, and it's not going to do that - even if she left tomorrow, the changes in there have happened already. I don't know why she wants to hurt me and destroy my life, but I'm not going to stand around and try to figure it out while she does so and continues to do so - I'm just going to remove myself from a place of further emotional harm.
It sucks.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Name report, further details
I ordered this free through : http://www.kabalarians.com
They also suggest (a) that my name is unbalanced and they can make suggestions to correct it; (b) good and not so good days for me in July and August, as well as what 2012 looks like.
Intriguing ...
They also suggest (a) that my name is unbalanced and they can make suggestions to correct it; (b) good and not so good days for me in July and August, as well as what 2012 looks like.
Intriguing ...
Name report, cont'd
The surname of Waseck has brought stable, progressive,
accumulative conditions to the family as a whole. Members of the family
seek positions of trust and responsibility in order to gain standing in
the community where they draw around them a circle of friends and
material comforts and benefits. The men in the family prefer to follow
business, executive, or professional lines where they have direction and
control of finances and of the efforts of others. Many examples of
business success could be found in this family as the name incorporates
analytical ability, shrewd judgment of material values, and an
understanding of people. These people possess the poise and
self-assurance that permits them to remain pleasant-natured and
even-tempered under most circumstances. They are thoughtful, serious,
studious people who are independent in their thinking and assessment of
value; they cannot be influenced against their better judgment,
especially in financial matters. They regard financial independence for
themselves and their family as their foremost responsibility.
Using the combined names of Jeannee Waseck you desire a systematic and orderly life, and provide opportunities to establish stability in your affairs.
The combined names of Jean Waseck make you desire creative, artistic expression and association that allows you to give to and to share with others. You are too easily influenced by your associates, and find it difficult to maintain a stand, to say, "No," and mean it. Consequently, you are seldom able to follow your own creative ideas and plans. People could take advantage of you, and involve you in their plans, often to your detriment. These names do not attract progressive opportunities, with the result that you achieve only limited success. You are drawn into subordinate positions, where you serve the public, or where you are required to mediate differences to create harmonious relationships. You tend to attract those who require your support rather than contributing opportunities to your progress.
Your combined names of Jeannee Shoobridge reveal an unfulfilled desire for settled and stable conditions in your life. Your affairs fluctuate with something of a fortunate nature always turning up to help you out of a difficult situation when you least expect it. You attract opportunities to spend your financial resources on good times, often imprudently. Your spontaneity draws you into association with people who want to enjoy life with little thought for the future. Living within a budget is challenging, as money goes out as quickly as it comes in making it difficult to achieve stability and financial success. These names could also take you into embarrassing emotional situations that could cause personal unhappiness and distress.
Using the combined names of Jeannee Waseck you desire a systematic and orderly life, and provide opportunities to establish stability in your affairs.
The combined names of Jean Waseck make you desire creative, artistic expression and association that allows you to give to and to share with others. You are too easily influenced by your associates, and find it difficult to maintain a stand, to say, "No," and mean it. Consequently, you are seldom able to follow your own creative ideas and plans. People could take advantage of you, and involve you in their plans, often to your detriment. These names do not attract progressive opportunities, with the result that you achieve only limited success. You are drawn into subordinate positions, where you serve the public, or where you are required to mediate differences to create harmonious relationships. You tend to attract those who require your support rather than contributing opportunities to your progress.
Your combined names of Jeannee Shoobridge reveal an unfulfilled desire for settled and stable conditions in your life. Your affairs fluctuate with something of a fortunate nature always turning up to help you out of a difficult situation when you least expect it. You attract opportunities to spend your financial resources on good times, often imprudently. Your spontaneity draws you into association with people who want to enjoy life with little thought for the future. Living within a budget is challenging, as money goes out as quickly as it comes in making it difficult to achieve stability and financial success. These names could also take you into embarrassing emotional situations that could cause personal unhappiness and distress.
My name report - first of several reports
It was free, and I thought it would be interesting ... and is it ever that! So much so, so accurate, that I want to put it in my blog. Because I have to do a cut and paste, its going to take several posts - divided by name. .
Your first name, Jeannee, gives you inspirational, idealistic, and dramatic qualities. Sometimes you can be very theatrical and expressive and, at other times, you are reserved and reticent. You tend to be an extremist, focusing your interests, for example, in music, drama, dancing, or art, to the exclusion of other activities. You delight in mysteries and could be drawn to occult studies. You respond very quickly through your feelings, particularly to music; melancholy music can make you feel sad and joyful music can make you feel happy. You enjoy the outdoors, and the beauties and wonders of nature: the song of a bird, the wind in the trees, or the surf crashing against the shore. These expressions of nature inspire your poetic and artistic inclinations, for you sense their harmony and experience placidity. You enjoy atmosphere—candlelight, flowers, violins—all those refinements that create the right setting.
Generally, you are not practical in handling business details or even monotonous tasks around the home unless other influences in your names dictate otherwise. You will put off these aspects until you are forced to take action. You prefer being creative. If given the training, you could excel in literary or artistic composition.
Being a romantic, you love deeply but must guard against possessiveness and jealousy. You are inclined to be suspicious and to build situations out of proportion, perhaps the way someone looks at or speaks to someone you care for; you tend to look for hidden meanings and innuendos. Relying upon the encouragement and strength of close friends and the constant reassurance that you are loved and appreciated is the result of lack of confidence, but may develop misunderstandings when others experience your possessiveness. You have a strong temper, yet regret it as soon as you give vent to it because you do not like to hurt others.
At other times, you resort to silence as a method of handling a problem. You do not appreciate being taken for granted. Although you appear calm outwardly, your thoughts can be turbulent. Many times you feel misunderstood and lonely, as you are easily hurt and offended and occasionally suffer from self-pity. You have great imagination, but must guard against morbid thoughts and moods of depression.Being sensitive, you do not like to be on your own for too long. You feel the silence and it makes you nervous. Yet, you dislike crowds and stressful circumstances.
Your first name, Jeannee, gives you inspirational, idealistic, and dramatic qualities. Sometimes you can be very theatrical and expressive and, at other times, you are reserved and reticent. You tend to be an extremist, focusing your interests, for example, in music, drama, dancing, or art, to the exclusion of other activities. You delight in mysteries and could be drawn to occult studies. You respond very quickly through your feelings, particularly to music; melancholy music can make you feel sad and joyful music can make you feel happy. You enjoy the outdoors, and the beauties and wonders of nature: the song of a bird, the wind in the trees, or the surf crashing against the shore. These expressions of nature inspire your poetic and artistic inclinations, for you sense their harmony and experience placidity. You enjoy atmosphere—candlelight, flowers, violins—all those refinements that create the right setting.
Generally, you are not practical in handling business details or even monotonous tasks around the home unless other influences in your names dictate otherwise. You will put off these aspects until you are forced to take action. You prefer being creative. If given the training, you could excel in literary or artistic composition.
Being a romantic, you love deeply but must guard against possessiveness and jealousy. You are inclined to be suspicious and to build situations out of proportion, perhaps the way someone looks at or speaks to someone you care for; you tend to look for hidden meanings and innuendos. Relying upon the encouragement and strength of close friends and the constant reassurance that you are loved and appreciated is the result of lack of confidence, but may develop misunderstandings when others experience your possessiveness. You have a strong temper, yet regret it as soon as you give vent to it because you do not like to hurt others.
At other times, you resort to silence as a method of handling a problem. You do not appreciate being taken for granted. Although you appear calm outwardly, your thoughts can be turbulent. Many times you feel misunderstood and lonely, as you are easily hurt and offended and occasionally suffer from self-pity. You have great imagination, but must guard against morbid thoughts and moods of depression.Being sensitive, you do not like to be on your own for too long. You feel the silence and it makes you nervous. Yet, you dislike crowds and stressful circumstances.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Pennsylvania German, 1780
"Today we bloom like roses red
Tomorrow, we are dead
On earth is nought but pain and dread."
Tomorrow, we are dead
On earth is nought but pain and dread."
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Comcast, you do a very poor job!
We went through this w/ the phone company, before the govt came in and broke them up: when you have a monopoly, and no choice in services, you get poor service.
This afternoon, I was in the middle of watching a tv show and - dead. Or rather more accurately I got the screen that you get when your bill is overdue, in order to be reconnected. As I didn't have my account number, I had to call. Comcast, here is why you are doing a very poor job:
I first spoke to a woman who insisted I had been disconnected at the pole on July 2d. She didn't believe me when I insisted I've had full cable service until ten minutes ago, on July 12th, at just past three in the afternoon.
The automated service said my bill is due in three days - so if thats the case, why was I disconnected early?!
Also, the automated said I was overdue by $88, but the woman who stuck to the pole story said it was only $29 past due.
Not wanting to argue with a woman who insisted I had been without service since the 2d when I have not, I figured - Jean, just pay the dammed bill and be reconnected! Now, here's another problem: with other cable service companies, if I have the account number, I can pay online and avoid all fees. But this woman is telling me I won't be able to pay online, because yes I'm disconnected at the pole so that will be another $5.95 for phone processing. I smell a rat, but I want my computer, so, ok.
But it doesn't log on. So I'm shifted to Sales.
The woman in sales was really remarkable, walking me through modem shutoff and restart. My only problem was her very pronounced accent. I know of at least one professional woman whose company sent her to a specific language school to lose her accent and I think Comcast needs to do the same.
Well, anyway ... that didn't work, either. So I was shifted to someone else, who asked me to read the number on the bottom of my modem. I'm reading this off to her and she starts saying she can't hear me, we're disconnected, I'm screaming HELLO HELLO HELLO she hangs up -the whole time I could hear her, she *suddenly* couldn't hear me.
Well, I'm back online, anyway, Comcast be dammed.
This afternoon, I was in the middle of watching a tv show and - dead. Or rather more accurately I got the screen that you get when your bill is overdue, in order to be reconnected. As I didn't have my account number, I had to call. Comcast, here is why you are doing a very poor job:
I first spoke to a woman who insisted I had been disconnected at the pole on July 2d. She didn't believe me when I insisted I've had full cable service until ten minutes ago, on July 12th, at just past three in the afternoon.
The automated service said my bill is due in three days - so if thats the case, why was I disconnected early?!
Also, the automated said I was overdue by $88, but the woman who stuck to the pole story said it was only $29 past due.
Not wanting to argue with a woman who insisted I had been without service since the 2d when I have not, I figured - Jean, just pay the dammed bill and be reconnected! Now, here's another problem: with other cable service companies, if I have the account number, I can pay online and avoid all fees. But this woman is telling me I won't be able to pay online, because yes I'm disconnected at the pole so that will be another $5.95 for phone processing. I smell a rat, but I want my computer, so, ok.
But it doesn't log on. So I'm shifted to Sales.
The woman in sales was really remarkable, walking me through modem shutoff and restart. My only problem was her very pronounced accent. I know of at least one professional woman whose company sent her to a specific language school to lose her accent and I think Comcast needs to do the same.
Well, anyway ... that didn't work, either. So I was shifted to someone else, who asked me to read the number on the bottom of my modem. I'm reading this off to her and she starts saying she can't hear me, we're disconnected, I'm screaming HELLO HELLO HELLO she hangs up -the whole time I could hear her, she *suddenly* couldn't hear me.
Well, I'm back online, anyway, Comcast be dammed.
The nutty part about the Not Photoshopped campaign
Let me say this right up front: I applaud this campaign - its about real women, and what could be more terrific than that!!!
I've seen a number of bloggers, fashionistas, et al, wearing the Not Photo Shopped tee ... and one that I regularly follow even had a link to where you can buy it ... and that's where we hit the nutty part of this campaign!
Now, alot of real women wear tee-shirts for there real lives, that include things like errands and walking the dog ... and doing things that involve child and house care, sitting around DMV waiting for the canned voice to say "now serving number ...", and going through a storage space rental. And things too like packing up to move - and attending church services. And sitting in twelve-step meetings, and sitting in front of the computer fully dressed because - see the walking the dog part of this ;)
Very few real women I know would spend $72 for a tee-shirt! A TEE SHIRT, for pitys sakes?! Thats just NUTTY!!!
I've seen a number of bloggers, fashionistas, et al, wearing the Not Photo Shopped tee ... and one that I regularly follow even had a link to where you can buy it ... and that's where we hit the nutty part of this campaign!
Now, alot of real women wear tee-shirts for there real lives, that include things like errands and walking the dog ... and doing things that involve child and house care, sitting around DMV waiting for the canned voice to say "now serving number ...", and going through a storage space rental. And things too like packing up to move - and attending church services. And sitting in twelve-step meetings, and sitting in front of the computer fully dressed because - see the walking the dog part of this ;)
Very few real women I know would spend $72 for a tee-shirt! A TEE SHIRT, for pitys sakes?! Thats just NUTTY!!!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
A boy like me
Yesterday, I had my oil changed
Don't really care for this type of errand -ok, going to the dentist would be worse than this ;- Its just that every single time I have to do this, I'm reminded of how my beloved Dad always used to take care of this stuff, because, in his own words, "this isn't for you to worry about" - he wasn't kidding! --
I get in there and yes of course its good that they explain every last little pimple, and they have computer printouts and now even recommended guides for a General Motors vehicle ... its just - information overload! And then you're supposed to make a decision in a split second - well Jean GMC recommends and you're at that point and it would cost you -
Huh?! Could I just get my oil changed and my fluids checked?!
Its information overload and its not knowing load - yeah I understand the manufacturer recommends, but I'm nowhere saavy enough to realize if its excessive, if I'm being ripped off, et al. I know I was very comfortable w/ 5 star garage in Lexington because Elaine was there office manager and she understood this stuff, and even at one point prevented me from spending money I didn't have, giving me a solution to a mechanical problem I could even do myself! ...
So I go to sit in the waiting area ... and there are a father and son pair. I would say the kid was college age. Nice, cleancut looking kid ...
So we're all sitting there and the manager comes in and announces, "The owner of the Honda Accord?"
Well the kids eyes popped wide and he looked like he was being called into the principals office! His Dad took his arm and said, "I show you, I show you," and the two of them walked into the garage ...
Seeing that, reassured me I'm not alone, not even divided by gender - AND blessed my heart!!!
Don't really care for this type of errand -ok, going to the dentist would be worse than this ;- Its just that every single time I have to do this, I'm reminded of how my beloved Dad always used to take care of this stuff, because, in his own words, "this isn't for you to worry about" - he wasn't kidding! --
I get in there and yes of course its good that they explain every last little pimple, and they have computer printouts and now even recommended guides for a General Motors vehicle ... its just - information overload! And then you're supposed to make a decision in a split second - well Jean GMC recommends and you're at that point and it would cost you -
Huh?! Could I just get my oil changed and my fluids checked?!
Its information overload and its not knowing load - yeah I understand the manufacturer recommends, but I'm nowhere saavy enough to realize if its excessive, if I'm being ripped off, et al. I know I was very comfortable w/ 5 star garage in Lexington because Elaine was there office manager and she understood this stuff, and even at one point prevented me from spending money I didn't have, giving me a solution to a mechanical problem I could even do myself! ...
So I go to sit in the waiting area ... and there are a father and son pair. I would say the kid was college age. Nice, cleancut looking kid ...
So we're all sitting there and the manager comes in and announces, "The owner of the Honda Accord?"
Well the kids eyes popped wide and he looked like he was being called into the principals office! His Dad took his arm and said, "I show you, I show you," and the two of them walked into the garage ...
Seeing that, reassured me I'm not alone, not even divided by gender - AND blessed my heart!!!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
"Eco-guilt"?!! I share that w/ the town I live in, thx!
One of the few things I liked about the last place I lived was - the recycling!
SERIOUSLY!
There was one bucket for everything and anything (no sorting and separating like in NJ) and - said assigned bucket was on wheels! No lifting and straining!
Honey, I recycled every last thing down to used pens and toilet paper holders.
I no longer recycle. I am still amazed at the size and amount of trash bags I haul outta here for one person, one dog!
Yes - if I asked (its not mandatory) I would be given a small container. Which I can tell from the few I do see at kerbside, is never big enough for anyone. The problem is - I wouldn't be able to lift it, once I fill it ... ergo --
But there IS a solution!
I pay around twelve bucks a month for trash pickup. What that means is this: there is a rusted out on the bottom metal container that a company comes out once a week and heaves into there truck with hoists.
Believe me I've seen everything and anything go in there from dog feces to an entire COUCH.
How about we go modern here and put in not only a newer unit, but a double unit - the second one being for recycling???
C'mon, Elkton, I know you can, I know you can!!!
SERIOUSLY!
There was one bucket for everything and anything (no sorting and separating like in NJ) and - said assigned bucket was on wheels! No lifting and straining!
Honey, I recycled every last thing down to used pens and toilet paper holders.
I no longer recycle. I am still amazed at the size and amount of trash bags I haul outta here for one person, one dog!
Yes - if I asked (its not mandatory) I would be given a small container. Which I can tell from the few I do see at kerbside, is never big enough for anyone. The problem is - I wouldn't be able to lift it, once I fill it ... ergo --
But there IS a solution!
I pay around twelve bucks a month for trash pickup. What that means is this: there is a rusted out on the bottom metal container that a company comes out once a week and heaves into there truck with hoists.
Believe me I've seen everything and anything go in there from dog feces to an entire COUCH.
How about we go modern here and put in not only a newer unit, but a double unit - the second one being for recycling???
C'mon, Elkton, I know you can, I know you can!!!
Anatomy of a panic attack, or --
why I should have been born a carrot!***
As I stated on my Facebook page, I needed to get to a number of items I had been able to slough off last week w/ the extreme heatwave ... so, ok ... I drove down to Harrisonburg today and ran serial errands ...
... and yeah ok I had that usual feeling of some anxiety down in there somewhere, but was able to push thru and keep going, until
The hostess was walking me to a table @ Cracker Barrel and as I walked past the checkerboards set-up with two chairs on either side of a table, the thought occurred to me - I don't even have a friend I would call to come play checkers w/ me
That starts alot of anxiety, for me : being overwhelmed by how alone I've found myself in middle-age *** The carrot family apparently has 3,000 members, that include fennel that I gave to Brianne as a baby for gas, dill, caraway, et al .....
I did ok ... had lunch ...but it was closer to the surface now, this anxiety, this feeling of being overwhelmed; so I figured the best thing for me to do after I ate would be to drive home - good idea! I'd been out for a while, anyway, I was tired, I had items that needed to go in the fridge ...
I'm coming down Rt. 33 and I have the radio on -a Christian station, mind you! - and with a song that came on it just brought a question to my mind: when was the last time someone hugged me? other than CoCo, and she's more a looker, leaner up against, and darting licker ;) - when was the last time someone hugged me???
When I realized it was Christmas, and here it was mid-July --
It's a good thing that I actually can drive and cry, ya know?! (Don't worry - if I would have gotten to the point where I was hyperventilating, I would have definitely pulled over !)
I found out a long time ago that anxiety attacks last not so long, if I allow them to come on and not try to stuff them down ... so by the time I pulled in my parking lot here, I was tired - and dry eyed ...
And that, my friends, is the anatomy of an anxiety attack by Jeannee!
As I stated on my Facebook page, I needed to get to a number of items I had been able to slough off last week w/ the extreme heatwave ... so, ok ... I drove down to Harrisonburg today and ran serial errands ...
... and yeah ok I had that usual feeling of some anxiety down in there somewhere, but was able to push thru and keep going, until
The hostess was walking me to a table @ Cracker Barrel and as I walked past the checkerboards set-up with two chairs on either side of a table, the thought occurred to me - I don't even have a friend I would call to come play checkers w/ me
That starts alot of anxiety, for me : being overwhelmed by how alone I've found myself in middle-age *** The carrot family apparently has 3,000 members, that include fennel that I gave to Brianne as a baby for gas, dill, caraway, et al .....
I did ok ... had lunch ...but it was closer to the surface now, this anxiety, this feeling of being overwhelmed; so I figured the best thing for me to do after I ate would be to drive home - good idea! I'd been out for a while, anyway, I was tired, I had items that needed to go in the fridge ...
I'm coming down Rt. 33 and I have the radio on -a Christian station, mind you! - and with a song that came on it just brought a question to my mind: when was the last time someone hugged me? other than CoCo, and she's more a looker, leaner up against, and darting licker ;) - when was the last time someone hugged me???
When I realized it was Christmas, and here it was mid-July --
It's a good thing that I actually can drive and cry, ya know?! (Don't worry - if I would have gotten to the point where I was hyperventilating, I would have definitely pulled over !)
I found out a long time ago that anxiety attacks last not so long, if I allow them to come on and not try to stuff them down ... so by the time I pulled in my parking lot here, I was tired - and dry eyed ...
And that, my friends, is the anatomy of an anxiety attack by Jeannee!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Sheryl Warner's homicide
Brutal crime: Culpeper authorities seek public's assistance | The Hook - Charlottesville's weekly newspaper, news magazine
A nod to the Hook, btw, which I've never actually seen a paper copy of, but have certainly found out all sorts of tremendous background information online!!!
When I went to walk into my 7-11 just now, I saw a brand new poster up, that they were looking for evidence in this 2005 crime against Sheryl Warner, a woman who apparently opened her door to someone whose car had broken down in her rural area ... hmmm. don't recall. let me go check online ... when I did so, I saw alot of back and forth from people re -"wasn't ricky gray, et al, charged in this?!" ... hmmm. looked him up. apparently he's part of a spree killer who even went so far to kill a family of four. part of his m.o. was to use a girlfriend as bait -i.e. who wouldn't open her front door to a woman seemingly alone in distress, after all ...
But one question for me remained: if this guy has been charged w/ all these capitol crimes - and not only charged but confessed - and that includes Sheryl Warner! - why is the sheriff looking for information?!
I checked that out online and found something so disheartening, I'm quoting it in its entirety below :
A nod to the Hook, btw, which I've never actually seen a paper copy of, but have certainly found out all sorts of tremendous background information online!!!
When I went to walk into my 7-11 just now, I saw a brand new poster up, that they were looking for evidence in this 2005 crime against Sheryl Warner, a woman who apparently opened her door to someone whose car had broken down in her rural area ... hmmm. don't recall. let me go check online ... when I did so, I saw alot of back and forth from people re -"wasn't ricky gray, et al, charged in this?!" ... hmmm. looked him up. apparently he's part of a spree killer who even went so far to kill a family of four. part of his m.o. was to use a girlfriend as bait -i.e. who wouldn't open her front door to a woman seemingly alone in distress, after all ...
But one question for me remained: if this guy has been charged w/ all these capitol crimes - and not only charged but confessed - and that includes Sheryl Warner! - why is the sheriff looking for information?!
I checked that out online and found something so disheartening, I'm quoting it in its entirety below :
Judge suspends Culpeper murder charge against death-row inmate Death row inmate Ricky Javon Gray won't go on trial this fall for the 2005 slaying of Culpeper mother of 3 Sheryl Embrey Warner. A judge today nol-prossed a capital-murder charge against Gray at the request of Commonwealth's Attorney Gary Close. That suspends the case against Gray, but leaves the door open for it to be revived.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Friday, July 6, 2012
It's All About Purple: My "Rural" "Heart"!
It's All About Purple: My "Rural" "Heart"!: I long to live on a farm! In my heart I am a farmer! So today, in honor of Rural Thursday, I got down & dirty on the farm! Ande...
I LOVE THESE ALPACAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE THESE ALPACAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Could've been a weather tragedy
What I was thinking, was this: yes the sun is still shining and yes its still hot out there, but, c'mon now -the six pm church bells just rang, so it can't be as bad as it would have been to go out @ high noon or two ...
I got out there, started driving (w/ the a/c on) and realized
It's 102 degrees out there ;-
I about turned myself around, but I had to keep pushing myself (no matter how sick it was going to make me), because I was running out of provisions:
No peanut butter and jelly - no sandwich bread to put it on - no butter for the special bread I bought for bread and butter! And one of the next biggest things: I was out of Gatorade, essential in such awful! weather!!!
I also needed fresh coffee, as well as minutes for my cell phone ... got lunch meat, too.
As Sgt Esterhaus always said - "BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!!!"
I got out there, started driving (w/ the a/c on) and realized
It's 102 degrees out there ;-
I about turned myself around, but I had to keep pushing myself (no matter how sick it was going to make me), because I was running out of provisions:
No peanut butter and jelly - no sandwich bread to put it on - no butter for the special bread I bought for bread and butter! And one of the next biggest things: I was out of Gatorade, essential in such awful! weather!!!
I also needed fresh coffee, as well as minutes for my cell phone ... got lunch meat, too.
As Sgt Esterhaus always said - "BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!!!"
My kitchen trash & being a good neighbor
I have a next-door neighbor here who is a guy that doesn't cook - he doesn't even barbecue - and he sure isn't wealthy! so we're not talking, you know,a potential neighbor who would be like that surprise millionaire tv show, lol! ....
He's interested in recreational activities that I'm sure he can sense aren't things to invite me to, lol: like NASCAR, DVDs, possibly even fishing and hunting... and may I say he has a girlfriend who can be - ahh - prickly, yeah, let's put it like that! in fact, he's let her invite me to there church, rather than overstep that boundary!
So why do I consider him one of the top 5 neighbors I've ever had???
There's the low to no noise deal, surely ... but more than that, there are two bigger things:
He never hesitates to say hello and to pet CoCo!
And, he did it again: I changed the kitchen trash bag and as we're having a heat wave, I simply opened the front door and set it outside ... and when I had to go out anyway (for CoCo), I turned around to take the trash across the parking lot to the dumpster and
it was gone!
Now, you see what I'm saying here???
Even without much money or shared activities, he specifically has looked for a way to be the best neighbor possible to a broken-down woman living by herself ...
And that makes him a Very Good Neighbor!!!
He's interested in recreational activities that I'm sure he can sense aren't things to invite me to, lol: like NASCAR, DVDs, possibly even fishing and hunting... and may I say he has a girlfriend who can be - ahh - prickly, yeah, let's put it like that! in fact, he's let her invite me to there church, rather than overstep that boundary!
So why do I consider him one of the top 5 neighbors I've ever had???
There's the low to no noise deal, surely ... but more than that, there are two bigger things:
He never hesitates to say hello and to pet CoCo!
And, he did it again: I changed the kitchen trash bag and as we're having a heat wave, I simply opened the front door and set it outside ... and when I had to go out anyway (for CoCo), I turned around to take the trash across the parking lot to the dumpster and
it was gone!
Now, you see what I'm saying here???
Even without much money or shared activities, he specifically has looked for a way to be the best neighbor possible to a broken-down woman living by herself ...
And that makes him a Very Good Neighbor!!!
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Political Ads - my time in the box
I cannot even begin to tell you how sick I am of all the political, presidential ads that play over and over and ...
So I got this *wild idea*! Hehehe -- if I had a friend w/ a video camera, this is what I'd do :
Outside my apartment (I'm talking right outside my front door) is this long patio-sidewalk that goes past four apartments. Isn't that great :) I could start up by #4 and take a seemingly casual walk down the sidewalk ... I'd go past these great pillars, too (altho mine are wooden, not white house), and I would casually look over to one side (but careful not to look in anyone's windows!) reuniting my hands with the pockets of my blue jeans giving myself that polished jacket look w/ my purple suede QVC number that's the right length, as my voiceover would say - I'm Jeannee Waseck and I approve this message! (For the soft focus shrubs behind me as I walk down, I figure I can redirect my neighbor's potted plants.)
I even figured when I get to the end of the sidewalk, I could continue my political presidential participation by looking in the camera, making big eyes and saying, "I know how babies are made - and I won't ship them to Mexico, China, and India!!!" as my first political campaign promise ;)
So I got this *wild idea*! Hehehe -- if I had a friend w/ a video camera, this is what I'd do :
Outside my apartment (I'm talking right outside my front door) is this long patio-sidewalk that goes past four apartments. Isn't that great :) I could start up by #4 and take a seemingly casual walk down the sidewalk ... I'd go past these great pillars, too (altho mine are wooden, not white house), and I would casually look over to one side (but careful not to look in anyone's windows!) reuniting my hands with the pockets of my blue jeans giving myself that polished jacket look w/ my purple suede QVC number that's the right length, as my voiceover would say - I'm Jeannee Waseck and I approve this message! (For the soft focus shrubs behind me as I walk down, I figure I can redirect my neighbor's potted plants.)
I even figured when I get to the end of the sidewalk, I could continue my political presidential participation by looking in the camera, making big eyes and saying, "I know how babies are made - and I won't ship them to Mexico, China, and India!!!" as my first political campaign promise ;)
Monday, July 2, 2012
And speaking of hot like an oven....
Until I moved here, I hadn't lived w/o a microwave in a kitchen since somewhere around the mid-80s....
Now, when I first moved here, it was winter ... so I bought myself a saucepan, and I adapted ... when I went back to NJ for Christmas, I was told I could be gifted the microwave of my choice - but I declined, because I knew I couldn't lift it, so how would I get it in here?! Nah, thanks, me and my saucepan are just fine, thx!
Well, now I'm rethinking all of that, wondering if I should grab a male neighbor and take him shopping ...
Using the oven heats the entire kitchen - something I didn't even think about in the winter as a problem, but now in the summer ... if I'm going to heat something, using the oven, I try to keep myself all the way over here on the computer, no where in the kitchen, and of course I make sure the a/c is on!
The oven itself is something I had to buy special pans for, btw, because it is a small apartment-sized unit and so it doesn't fit a regular baking pan. Also, the stove itself has one burner that doesn't work - and of course its the big burner, that would speed-up production (yeah, I could tell management, but to have someone come in for that, when I have three working burners?! nah! however, it does mean that something in a pot or pan takes longer, because its on a smaller burner)
Another problem is that it seriously limits what I can eat. Now, while I have to watch anything w/ high fructose corn syrup in it, I do occasionally want something as a "goodie" but -- if I'd have to cook it 55 minutes V 5 minutes in the micro, fagetaboutit! it goes back on the shelf! Also, there are things I really don't want to be messing around with a big production of pans and stoves and ovens, just to feed myself, like if I wanted hot dogs, for example.
Because of being disabled, I can't always lean and do the saucepan thing - a microwave would be good for times like that, too!
Hmmmm ... considering it, fersure!
Now, when I first moved here, it was winter ... so I bought myself a saucepan, and I adapted ... when I went back to NJ for Christmas, I was told I could be gifted the microwave of my choice - but I declined, because I knew I couldn't lift it, so how would I get it in here?! Nah, thanks, me and my saucepan are just fine, thx!
Well, now I'm rethinking all of that, wondering if I should grab a male neighbor and take him shopping ...
Using the oven heats the entire kitchen - something I didn't even think about in the winter as a problem, but now in the summer ... if I'm going to heat something, using the oven, I try to keep myself all the way over here on the computer, no where in the kitchen, and of course I make sure the a/c is on!
The oven itself is something I had to buy special pans for, btw, because it is a small apartment-sized unit and so it doesn't fit a regular baking pan. Also, the stove itself has one burner that doesn't work - and of course its the big burner, that would speed-up production (yeah, I could tell management, but to have someone come in for that, when I have three working burners?! nah! however, it does mean that something in a pot or pan takes longer, because its on a smaller burner)
Another problem is that it seriously limits what I can eat. Now, while I have to watch anything w/ high fructose corn syrup in it, I do occasionally want something as a "goodie" but -- if I'd have to cook it 55 minutes V 5 minutes in the micro, fagetaboutit! it goes back on the shelf! Also, there are things I really don't want to be messing around with a big production of pans and stoves and ovens, just to feed myself, like if I wanted hot dogs, for example.
Because of being disabled, I can't always lean and do the saucepan thing - a microwave would be good for times like that, too!
Hmmmm ... considering it, fersure!
What being heatsick feels like
I know that I can't tolerate the heat ... but now its gotten to where if I even go out for a very short while, and stay in a/c while driving and while inside a business, I get heatsick ;( ... which is no fun! So as an FYI, here's what being heatsick feels like to me (note - I went today around noon - I'm typing this @ 7:42 pm, and, I'm still sick) :
The headache is the worst part. It feels like there is a hat on my head that is several sizes too small and its pressing down directly on the very top of my head.
With the headache comes some mental slowness, depending on how well I take care of the next part of this, which is
Severe dehydration. I can't drink enough! My drink of choice is diluted Gatorade - str8, and I get stomach cramps.
Fibromyalgia pain increase -especially at the base of my neck, spreading outwards like a stain.
Tiredness beyond 'the usual lousy normal'.
I feel hot, like I have a fever.
When its really bad, I get painful dots of perspiration.
The headache is the worst part. It feels like there is a hat on my head that is several sizes too small and its pressing down directly on the very top of my head.
With the headache comes some mental slowness, depending on how well I take care of the next part of this, which is
Severe dehydration. I can't drink enough! My drink of choice is diluted Gatorade - str8, and I get stomach cramps.
Fibromyalgia pain increase -especially at the base of my neck, spreading outwards like a stain.
Tiredness beyond 'the usual lousy normal'.
I feel hot, like I have a fever.
When its really bad, I get painful dots of perspiration.
Social media *failure*
Sigh ... life, at times, can be very complicated. Families need seating charts - name tags, for pitys sakes! Take my grandsons for example --
They have a mom and dad - but also a stepmom ... so, that now gives them, at this date, three grandmothers and a couple of grandfathers ...
Now, on there father's side, they have two aunts - there father's two sisters - and one sister, has two kids -- and my family geology tells me that these children -whether or not I've ever had the privilege to meet them f2f - are my grandson's first cousins ...
So, ok ... when I received a Facebook friend request from one of these cousins - a young girl the same age as my oldest grandson - I was (a) full of sighs my grandson doesn't have a page and (b) more than happy to accept her request - after all, we're what I would call "shirttail relatives" ....
So I was just up on Facebook and I received an instant message from said young - person. I won't call her a lady. Altho there was no profanity, she very curtly demanded to know who I was. When I explained it to her, she couldn't follow it - and got all huffy and said she had never friended me in the first place.
I clicked out of Facebook.
Does she need a family tree? Don't they teach who's related to whom in schools anymore, ferchrissakes?!!
They have a mom and dad - but also a stepmom ... so, that now gives them, at this date, three grandmothers and a couple of grandfathers ...
Now, on there father's side, they have two aunts - there father's two sisters - and one sister, has two kids -- and my family geology tells me that these children -whether or not I've ever had the privilege to meet them f2f - are my grandson's first cousins ...
So, ok ... when I received a Facebook friend request from one of these cousins - a young girl the same age as my oldest grandson - I was (a) full of sighs my grandson doesn't have a page and (b) more than happy to accept her request - after all, we're what I would call "shirttail relatives" ....
So I was just up on Facebook and I received an instant message from said young - person. I won't call her a lady. Altho there was no profanity, she very curtly demanded to know who I was. When I explained it to her, she couldn't follow it - and got all huffy and said she had never friended me in the first place.
I clicked out of Facebook.
Does she need a family tree? Don't they teach who's related to whom in schools anymore, ferchrissakes?!!
Just like Cody on AFV ;--
So last night I was watching America's Funniest Home Videos, and there was a doggy named Cody w/ the most unearthly, human-like howl!!! Honestly, I've never heard anything like that, from any dog ;- In this case, he howled like that when his name was called...
Anyway, I was happy when Cody won! ( and not someone falling due to stupidity or kids w/ snot, etc.) ...
So, earlier today, I dashed out to run a few errands (before it got too bloody hot!) and as I came into my apartment --
Look here: I was not feeling the best (so what else is new?!); I was hungry and wanted to get to the food in the supermarket bags; and those supermarket bags were dammed heavy! In fact, I had maybe four of them and while that is too many for me, yes, I figured I would just 'run in' and drop them on the chair. And it was dark in my apt -but hey! I'm saying MY APT, which means - I know where everything is, right?!
I got across the living room, started to drop the bags, and HEARD THE SAME HUMANLIKE SCREAM CODY MADE ON AFV YESTERDAY ;--
I jumped backwards and then put on the kitchen light - poor CoCo! I had stepped on her foot ;--
I got all upset - in fact, more upset than CoCo, who wasn't even limping - I was the one crying, hugging her, apologizing ....
Now as I type this out, I'm wondering one little thing, and that's this:
I've had CoCo since 1999.
CoCo never even remotely pays attention to tv (ok, wait - if there's a doorbell that sounds like where we're living, she'll bark and run to the door), unlike her late sister of the heart, Myndie.
However, when I was watching AFV yesterday, CoCo was seated right next to me.
Hmmmmm ..... 'Mom thinks this is adorable, so maybe I'll just hold on to this for future reference' ?!! ;)
Anyway, I was happy when Cody won! ( and not someone falling due to stupidity or kids w/ snot, etc.) ...
So, earlier today, I dashed out to run a few errands (before it got too bloody hot!) and as I came into my apartment --
Look here: I was not feeling the best (so what else is new?!); I was hungry and wanted to get to the food in the supermarket bags; and those supermarket bags were dammed heavy! In fact, I had maybe four of them and while that is too many for me, yes, I figured I would just 'run in' and drop them on the chair. And it was dark in my apt -but hey! I'm saying MY APT, which means - I know where everything is, right?!
I got across the living room, started to drop the bags, and HEARD THE SAME HUMANLIKE SCREAM CODY MADE ON AFV YESTERDAY ;--
I jumped backwards and then put on the kitchen light - poor CoCo! I had stepped on her foot ;--
I got all upset - in fact, more upset than CoCo, who wasn't even limping - I was the one crying, hugging her, apologizing ....
Now as I type this out, I'm wondering one little thing, and that's this:
I've had CoCo since 1999.
CoCo never even remotely pays attention to tv (ok, wait - if there's a doorbell that sounds like where we're living, she'll bark and run to the door), unlike her late sister of the heart, Myndie.
However, when I was watching AFV yesterday, CoCo was seated right next to me.
Hmmmmm ..... 'Mom thinks this is adorable, so maybe I'll just hold on to this for future reference' ?!! ;)
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