As I said to someone recently, my blog is a "mixed bag" - because, quite honestly, I'm a mixed bag ;) I have different interests, different things going on in my life, different things that make me, me ... so here is another piece of me ...
I arrived here Catholic. Had various and sundry problems within the Church here and started to feel like I was holding on to the mast of a sinking ship that had torn rigging! So, when the opportunity presented itself, I resumed studies with the Jehovah's Witnesses - something I had done earlier in my life. I looked at it this way: this is a faith practice that actually practices their faith and acts like Christians! plus, I love studying! Being in a place where I was already finding it difficult to make friends, this would work!
And, it did ... for a while. What happened is, I was felled by a really bad depression, and then, as I started to pull myself out of it, the Sunday meeting time changed to an earlier hour - 9.30 am - that was just not going to work with my physical disabilities. I tried, I was still battling depression, but I stopped going there, too ...
My study sister brought my magazines regularly, and we would talk then; occasionally by email. When I realized I was through all the Sunday Study articles, and I emailed her about it, she very nicely told me that if I wasn't active in the congregation - just on the magazine list - I couldn't have such magazines. And that kind of finished me there. I felt like there were now two denominations here in an unfriendly and odd place, that essentially had placed me outside their doors ...
Just now, someone else that I know from the congregation, stopped by to drop my magazines off. I was upset to hear that my study sister has had a stroke - even more upset to hear that it happened almost a month ago now. I was never emailed, never had anyone come to my door to tell me. Sure, why would they go out of there way for someone who isn't active in the congregation?!
I didn't say this to the woman who dropped by - she's a decent, sweet, kind soul (as is my study sister) and I didn't want to embroil her in my stuff - I made conversation about illnesses and kept it to that level...
But, I'm upset. I just feel so - unwanted - here. Its a feeling that has been with me since the day after I arrived, three years and three months ago, and has spread, like an oily stain, covering not just one area, but more than one - several areas - until it blocks out the Sonlight.
Penni told me that she's having trouble leaving comments, and I'm sorry for that! But, just in case you can do so now, I will delete anything that's condemning me for being me, all of me. And that's not just for this post.
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