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Thursday, September 22, 2011

The raggedy edge: it's NOT jealousy

Yeahhh ... it happened to me - again!  ...

I was up in this nifty! blog .... and she had posted pictures of her birthday celebration.  With her husband.  And not even in their beautiful home ... but ... in a vacay spot that speaks to my heart just hearing the name of it, like whenever I hear the name "Stephanie" & I always, always think of my late mother ....

Even tho it's 86 degrees here today, I'll be seasonal and say this:  it frosts my pumpkins.

No, I'm not jealous.  REALLY.  What I am is - bewildered.  Wasn't this supposed to be the life I was going to grow up and have?!  Isn't this the nice life my parents tried to prepare me for, tho the world had changed so tremendously and sometimes they relied on things to help them that were as effective as unsharpened pencils on a test with bubbles to color in?! 

To put it in a Southern way ... it hurts my heart. 

I don't know how this didn't happen to me and - what's even harder than that! - is I don't know how to "fix it", so I get there - AND - I feel like I'm pretty much out of time to do that, anyway - with age, and poverty, and wariness, from being in all the wrong and the bad places, that stick to me now like a red bug in the Spanish moss in Savannah ....

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