I hate when things update themselves on the computer and you have no notice, and, worse, no say in it! Facebook is the most sticky contender - but this new automatic Firefox download isn't too much better, either, taking away my "most visited" tab that I used alot, making the use of the computer as something much more labor-intensive - which isn't that the opposite of the way its supposed to be, ferchrissakes?! Now - that FB updating - it too has made their website very confusing, hard to navigate and figure out - and I don't think I'm getting updates, either, like birthday notifications (it probably is, just in a place and in a way they haven't told me about and I would never think to look under or in there!) so when I did log on today I was upset to realize that it was a dear friends birthday!!! Yes yes I'm infamous for not remembering birthdays - which is why I thought the FB notification of such was a measure of success - grr, FB!
Alright ... that said ... reading about her birthday celebration made me cry ... the type of crying where I have to walk away from it all for a few minutes and have a good one. You see, she went out to a very special dinner with six members of her family.
Now, as I said - this is a friend who many, many times over the years, we've connected in a way that she is 'a sister from another mother' -- so I know the bullet list : not all of these family members seated there are like frosting on the pastry! Yet here's the deal: they showed up at the table to wish her Happy Birthday, didn't they?!
So at a time when I'm walking around bewildered as to how my life became the way it has turned out (didn't we put a big fat goose in the oven? well, then - how come u r pulling out a cinnamon bun, ferchrissakes?!!) I'm also bewildered, and disease-angry, that certain family members have not stuck around, been present and accounted for, with me, left me high and dry, and that I not only spend birthdays by myself - I spend far, far too many days unnested.
I suppose if I were much younger, and healthy, and could put on a happy beaming face, and were so inclined, I could go out there and find and create my own, new family ... but I'm too tired, too broken, too sad.