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Saturday, April 20, 2013

This. Is. Hard.

Today is the day that Mike - Johnny's cousin - is moving all the stuff out of Johnny's apt (right on the other side of the common wall from me), so he can store it up at his place (Johnny, you may recall, has been in the hospital about a month now & its pretty definite he's going to need long-term care) ...

So, ok - trying to be helpful, you know -- I decided to carry out the small things I could lift -- set them on the sidewalk -- then Mike can put them in his pickup truck however he wants them ...

I did okay and all until I reached for Johnny's boots.

My throat closed, my heart & my eyes fluttered, and I found myself trying to choke down tears (past that closed throat) ... those were the boots that carried mine and CoCo's friend outside to sit with us!  I wanted to cry - I mean really REALLY let myself cry, salty tears bouncing off the jawline, with sobs that say how you really feel, in a way that I haven't since he was probably about first in the hospital ... he's not walking back in here - hell's bells, Betsy, he ain't walking too much of anyplace at all and then only with medical help and hospital slipper socks!!!

It just hurt my heart.  

1 comment:

  1. awwww, what a kind, deal, soul you are!! sending you a big warm hug from the jersey shore!!