In one of my online groups, there is conversation from people who have gone on a spiritual pilgrimage - how, upon their return, they are depressed, even .. and why is that?!
The consensus seems to be that once you've gotten THAT close to Heaven on earth, 'the eyes of your eyes are opened' and it is very difficult for you to retain comfort in being back on the ground AND you really start to take things out and see them for what they are ...
Altho I haven't made this journey, not in a physical sense of packing and all that it entails, I certainly understand what they're talking about!!!!!! When I'm close to God - when I'm praying, when I'm safely inside a God-conscious 'sock' - its hard to relax with the world being in the state of the wicked one, as the Scriptures say ... it bruises my soul to hear the news stories and to watch things like Jersey Shore, and instead I'm more emotionally comfortable with Lassie <3
So why don't I stay in such a place - I think for me that is the bigger question ...
Its because with my heart super soft, I see far, far more evil and wickedness and destruction in the world. In other words - I'm awake. And I can't prop myself up with cliches or excuses - I KNOW. I am sensitive, and, sensitized.
I am the way God created me to be, but sometimes I just want to hide out and pretend otherwise. Sometimes I want to 'relax' and say sure its okay to get up on your feet and pretend there is nothing better in this world than going to the gym, tanning, looking fresh, and having meaningless sexual encounters that prematurely age your sexual organs and leave you open to a whole bunch of things you'd have to go to the doctor about, and make you seriously consider an abortion of a beating heart so you can go on with your vapid life ...
God, please help me to live as you would have me ; please keep me swollen with Love and with sensitivity.
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