This morning - a combination of the 'hell group' I knew I was supposed to show up and report for, and the rapidly-approaching Christmasness, which I'm trying very valiantly to stave off the holiday-sky-blue's about - I just didn't want to go ... didn't want to go to group; didn't want to drive there; hit the "f" it bucket
So I stayed the hell home and went back to bed ... and had a table-turn-over, stomach-wrenching, nightmare like I have not had in a helluva long time! (yeahhh, I got it - I didn't even have to go into the dream dictionary about it)
So I get up and I'm groggy and the sun is out and its warm and I take my doggy out and
a cop car pulls in here
Thank God almighty it was a welfare check and he was at the wrong building! I was beginning to get the paranoids, that everything today was going to be bad news ;-
And then I come back in to make a second cuppa coffee and my phone is ringing and it IS bad news, MORE bad news, from my home state, about people I care about and ... yeahhh - cause for prayer! If you read this and if you pray, remember Earlene, and her daughter Jenn, and the grandbaby - God knows the whole story ...
Meanwhile while I'm outside drinking this coffee I see the two women who live at the end - who are good people, decent people, dog people, who have an astonishing amount of seasonal decorations for every single holiday under the sun because they've created a country cottage out of a three room + bath with patio slab under the stairs apartment -- well, they're moving out an incredible amount of stuff, even more stuff than you could think they could fit around and about one of these places! They loaded up a pickup truck so much, they had to use a bungee cord to seal it in! And I'm watching it and I'm thinking - are they moving?! And then my next thought is even more of a stopper: are they breaking up?! my God, do you realize that - in 16 apartments here - THEY ARE THE ONLY COUPLE?! Every one else of us is a widow, or divorced, or single and in varying amounts of recovering from our hearts being ripped out of our chests (and a few, not at all - just morose and needing medication and therapy) - CAN WE LOSE THE ONLY COUPLE THAT LIVES HERE?!!
On a day like today, when everything is going on like this, 'I think not' ...
So after the second cuppa coffee I decide its time to put my hand on some fresh hot tasty food, and I clean up a little bit and head down to my local pizza parlor ... and the day manager - her son Ryan was rushed in an ambulance from school today: he blacked out (because of the flu?!!!) and got a concussion - so if y'all could pray for him, too (and his poor mom!) ...
And none of this angst today is anywhere close to what those poor parents and grandparents and titi's and uncle's in the part of the world that is Ct, or Israel, or take your pick from the newspaper, are feeling about the loss of a precious child that had the hope of a future to us world-weary souls - I know that
And I also know the pain of the broken and sad world I feel is enough, and I just want to disconnect from it for a while, if I can