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Sunday, December 30, 2012

2012 year-end post

In an online group to which I belong, we were asked to share 2012's greatest gift ... writing it out helped clarify some things for me; I consider it a beautiful piece of my writing, to be honest! & so I wished to also have it in my blog ...:
I recently read the phrase "semiworthless person", and I'll have y'all know that I'm already feeling that way, thank you, for being estranged from family members (for various & sundry reasons, including addictions on their parts), as well as twice-divorced and uncoupled .... then, this past week, something happened where - while I did stay sober - I basically became unglued --

-- essentially, someone that lives in the same apartment building that I do, that I thought was a friend, turned on me like Willard's rat - and not only did he hurt me emotionally, not only did he bring up every other act of betrayal by so-called friends -- he made sure to triangulate at least one other person into it and damage my relationship with that person (if not more than that) ...

It brought up so many emotional issues of feeling unsafe & exposed for me that rather than go to the laundromat and hang around the downtown for several hours - a place where I have previously felt very comfortable, mind you - I furtively dashed into my corner Dollar Store for a change of clothes!!!

BUT HERE'S THE THING -- he almost made me forget what one of the greatest gifts of 2012 was, which centers exactly on this place - let me explain:

When I relocated back here, there were things specific to being back in this Valley, and then there were things that were specific to my apartment that I just loved: that I can park right outside my front door; that there are no stairs to contend with for me OR for a 16 year old doggy w/ weak back legs; the huge kitchen counter; the fact that I can sit outside most days because I'm covered by the boardwalk for the 2d floor so I don't have to worry about sun or even rain; the fact that the rear street light shines right in my bedroom - which annoys everyone EXCEPT ME! because I can use it as a nightlight ;) 

The only thing that bothered me was that I didn't think financially I would be able to stick around for more than a year ... that I would have to go into public housing - which is actually very decent EXCEPT that it being a federal building with their smoking prohibitions I would always be running in and out - yet another reason to love my little apartment here!  I can sit in here and have my cigarettes and coffee to my heart's content!

The greatest gift of 2012, for a doggy feeling her age & that I try to remember to tell every single morning I'm so grateful we get to spend another day together, and myself, is that we have been able to stick around for another year at this apartment complex, where - for under $500 a month - I open my front door & I face my beloved mountains, directly across the street - in fact, they are so beautiful, so awe-inspiring, that I excuse the fact they interfere with my Internet at times ;)

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