The long blue winter coat that I wear - it has a whole story connected with how it came to be : a life event that I can use to lead several stories: a good Dad story; a religious story; an acceptance story --
-- but last night it 'grew' another story .... one that hits into the whole sensitivity issue that a dear blogging friend, Lauren, of "http://someonelikeyou18.blogspot.com/" has recently written about (she's an excellent writer! I would definitely put her blog in the category of 'more than just another fashion blog'!) ...
I walked into 7-11 and there was a cashier who isn't usually "on" too much - so when she saw me, she was very excited! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT COAT?! Apparently she is having great difficulty in finding a woman's full-length, to the back of your knees, winter coat in women's sizes: they aren't showing them, except for what she referred to as "offline", and not being an 'offline' shopper, she is wary of something she can't physically try on ...
In talking about it (Burlington Coat Factory, up in NJ; my Dad bought it for me, and isn't THAT a story!), I realized that this coat was purchased in
The cashier was very complimentary about how its held-up and etc, while meanwhile I was standing there making a cuppa coffee feeling like I was looking down the wrong end of a periscope --
15 years ago?!
It really has been 15 years since my Dad was able-bodied (and able-minded!) enough to walk around with me?!
It fed into another conversation I had last night, also ... a conversation I've been having in different aspects, with different people, in different venues: that I haven't really felt - well - for lack of a better term! - bulletproof -- meaning that no matter what happened to me, what I did, what I got myself into -- someone had my back. Actually, several someone's had my back ... but my Dad most of all <3
Dad at one time said he didn't understand people anymore ... that he always felt I would - could - should! - meet someone, fall in love, and then that person would be someone my Dad, my parents, could 'turn me over' to, in complete confidence, that I would be as unconditionally loved, and protected, and never be out there all by myself in the world, as my parentage (especially Dad!!!) did for me --
And That Never Happened
And that wrong end of the periscope feeling?
That's about feeling that I am further and further away from knowing what that's like in an everyday basis.
Will I ever experience that again ... this side of Eternity?!!