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Wednesday, April 25, 2012

"Fair"-ly sensitive .......

There is one of those country fairs, with the trucked-in rides that are set up in a park, going on here ... and while that's never been my forte (not even as a kid), there is also an ongoing flea market ...so, ok ; when I was out earlier and the sun was shining and it was warm, I decided to swing by ...

I got into this long booth where this guy was selling different types of things - kitchen towels, pens, odds and ends, new stuff ... and so I fell into a conversation with him ... now, I would describe him as a lean country guy type, friendly, maybe 50s - 60s ... anyway he and HIS FIANCEE go to all these closeout places and buy stuff he can sell at flea markets, and he was so proud! of her good eye, and that he has a companion to go along with him ...

I listened.  I smiled.  I was even enthusiastic!  But you know what???

We go back to an old theme of mine here:  I was standing there - not angry, not jealous -but bewildered once again!  How did she find such a guy?!  It's the same type of looking at life through a glass wall with no door that I hit when I was working as a secretary, in my 20s, and read about secretaries for famous people, and that sure sounded better than what I was doing! - but - how in hell do you find a job like that?!

Mebbe cause it's nice out now, but I think back to going to my Aunt Margie and Uncle Howie's and swimming in there pool, and sitting out on there screened porch, and having cookouts ... and I figured that adult life would most likely being married to someone like that, or at least visiting people like that ... and again I am bewildered and sad - not angry, not jealous - how come it isn't ... how come I've gotten to this place!!!

I'm very senstized, I'm recognizing that, if even a conversation w/ a guy at a flea market is making me want to curl up in a ball and cry my heart out ... no, no, he wasn't selling balls, but I think the country joe next to him was ...

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