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Saturday, February 9, 2013

And how long for these environs?!

You know, I didn't think that living here, in this apartment, was anything that I could call "permanent" - because of financial issues - i.e. "well I think I can do this for another year, ok, but then ...???"  When I say another year - I'm talking until next November.  And this is Feb.  So it was something in the far back of my mind, surely, but not the forefront of my mind

not until today, that is !!!   ;-

I went and ran some errands and that was mostly okay, you know ... but it was tiring, between the usual stuff I carry in my body + the sinus infection ... all I could think of was - oh, boy!  I'm coming home, putting the leash on CoCo, we'll sit out front, and maybe other people will come out, too, and she can walk companion to companion :)

and there's an envelope taped to my front door - to everyone's front doors

Our landlord has taken out a $3,000,000 note - and what he did with that money, I have no g-d idea, because the place is maintained, yeah, but there are no major capitol improvements anywhere -- anyway, he couldn't pay his note, so now a bank owns it, and you know what that means:  send your rent check to this here lawyer's post office box in this here envelope that we prepaid the postage on because we also want you to get a copy of your lease

yeahhh so we know how long we're stuck with you, in case we have to foreclose and sell

My stomach is humming with anxiety (not boisterously, no, but that's because of some good meds) and I'm just - not happy.  I was talking to several neighbors about it; the one who has a job he goes to every working day, and family with there own addresses that at least have a sofa if not an actual spare bedroom, is calm and cool about it as a salmon going to spawn ...

... while those of us who are disabled on fixed incomes and especially those of us with that going on already, who aren't defined by anything other than ourselves - because for whatever reason we don't have family, spouses, or significant others - are on the border between states of mad and scared ... we talked about public housing - there is actually someplace fairly decent in the next big town, which at first glance sounds like it would be capturing a dream to live there, even more than here:  middle of town, right on the bus line, right near big and little stores, well-maintained --

-- and I defined the problem two-fold:  it's a federally-owned building, so no matter what intoxicating substances your neighbors have - you can't smoke a dammed cigarette in your own home: you have to go outside.

-- another thing, one I haven't wanted to voice before:  cinder block walls.  There would be no bigger symbol for me that I've fallen with a thunk out of the middle-class, than to live with concrete walls like I'm in -- nope, I can't even write it down.  (Do they do this in England, too, or just here, with public housing? make it look like -- nope, nope, nope, not going to write it down!).

I'm having alot of scared noise inside right now, and any prayers would greatly be appreciated, whether or not you're going to a church service this weekend!!!

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