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Thursday, May 24, 2012

49

In less than a month, I'm going to be 49 ...

.... and let's not even begin that whole song about how much differently I thought my life was going to be galloping along - family, multiple children, long-term relationship w/ someone who wasn't abusive in any sense of that word -- how much of this life I have now is about limited to no choices -- instead --

Let's talk about what's not in that 'life I would have much preferred' list, and mebbe should be :

health

Becoming disabled when I was standing firmly in the middle of my 20s (yet already living a life with such things in it that people hadn't even experienced by forty, with a life scale stress test that was off the charts, quite literally, no exaggeration) was something I had less adjustment and acceptance about than a whole lot of people I know of personally ... with a caveat :

As long as I was disabled in a similar way all the time.

Add anything new and outrageous - like let's say 'teeth' - and I about lost my mind ;-  

I can deal w/ the slow-moving, body pain every day since 1988, tires easily, disability

But as I approach 49, I'm becoming even more and more disabled ... I'm starting to realize, to survey my landscape and realize that HEY I may not be able to continue to do things even on a slow and limited basis, like shopping for myself, the limited cooking I do, alot of day to day stuff

And now I'm going into my birthday scared out of my mind, sucking down coffee and looking into a future with no possible family close to house or help me as my needs get more and more

Yeahhh ... Happy Birthday, indeed ;-

1 comment:

  1. happy birthday jeannee!! 49's a great age. i am in my 50's and i don't mind at all!!

    what is the nature of your disability?? there are so many programs at every level that offer assistance for those that need it.

    i have ms and the national ms society does amazing things and offers tons of assistance to those who need it and have limited resources!!

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