In less than a month, I'm going to be 49 ...
.... and let's not even begin that whole song about how much differently I thought my life was going to be galloping along - family, multiple children, long-term relationship w/ someone who wasn't abusive in any sense of that word -- how much of this life I have now is about limited to no choices -- instead --
Let's talk about what's not in that 'life I would have much preferred' list, and mebbe should be :
Becoming disabled when I was standing firmly in the middle of my 20s (yet already living a life with such things in it that people hadn't even experienced by forty, with a life scale stress test that was off the charts, quite literally, no exaggeration) was something I had less adjustment and acceptance about than a whole lot of people I know of personally ... with a caveat :
As long as I was disabled in a similar way all the time.
Add anything new and outrageous - like let's say 'teeth' - and I about lost my mind ;-
I can deal w/ the slow-moving, body pain every day since 1988, tires easily, disability
But as I approach 49, I'm becoming even more and more disabled ... I'm starting to realize, to survey my landscape and realize that HEY I may not be able to continue to do things even on a slow and limited basis, like shopping for myself, the limited cooking I do, alot of day to day stuff
And now I'm going into my birthday scared out of my mind, sucking down coffee and looking into a future with no possible family close to house or help me as my needs get more and more
Yeahhh ... Happy Birthday, indeed ;-